Acting Like Men

What does it take to be a Man? Answers to this question have been given by disciplines like psychology, sociology, biology, philosophy, theology and even pop culture. Answers vary from one "expert" to another, giving a multiplicity of images and definitions.

Perhaps the most obvious is what is provided for by pop culture. The media with its images of men as strong, assertive, immobile to emotional turbulence, sports minded and logical are being redefined lately because of the resurgence of feminist movements. Usually these notions of manhood are being fed to the masses through purveyors of masculine values and identities. Those in turn who promote such ideas draw their concepts from life experiences and values that view men from the "classical" Western notions of man as provider, protector and procreator. Aside from these limited conceptions, men are viewed as assertive, driven and logically wired persons.

On the bad side, men are perceived by liberationist thinkers as oppressors of women, philanderers who can't hold their horses, and insecure that they find their masculinities given shape by alcohol, smoking and vices. While there is partial truth in such type cast images of abusive samples of Adam's sons, there are also attempts to thrash out this constricted view of what is a Man.

In reaction to feminist movements, men's groups sprouted in the States to redeem the fallen status of masculine identities. While not totally abandoning the traditional roles assigned to men, today's pop psychologists and their researchers are looking at "masculinities" in terms of adding up new roles, training men to get in touch with their "feminine" nurturing side. Some no longer view issues that bring about intimacy in men's circles as a threat to one's strong image but as part of one being a person.

A friend of mine, one of the wounded sons (like me) I know, spoke of a very apt dictum about manhood: One can be born male, but it takes courage to become a man. How true! Biology provides us with the equipment of being male, and the idea of being a man is a socially constructed concept. Our ideas of what it takes to be a man may come from varied sources, yet we need to evaluate them if they are truthful and in correspondence with what is.

A constipated understanding of one's role will of course produce limited and constipated perceptions of identities. Why limit your self to vaguely defined roles? why subscribe to an idea that maybe a bit archaic or sweeping? Men aren't always from Mars nor are they confined to Venus. Manhood is a task and a role that is a gift at the same time (in the same manner that womanhood and its roles is also a gift and a task to be fulfilled with joy). Perhaps we can affirm our traditional perceptions of it while at the same time doing away with the negatives brought about by the abuse done in the past or the failings they have engendered.

Being a man consists of toughness, courage, strength, wisdom and integrity. It maybe true that there are wrong role models around, but there are plenty of good ones also. Absence of excellent examples in one's immediate environment do not necessarily mean there are none around. While character formation and a mature mascuine identity is forged in such matrix of relationship (through bonding, interaction and mentoring), one cannot also ignore past excellent examples; hey maybe imperfect and yet they have served their best to act it tough and become our fathers, brothers, friends, teachers, masters, etc.