Mark's passing from this world came as a shocker. I never knew that someone I see almost everyday, one who I joke along with and one who cracks many jokes would be suddenly taken. His passing was of course explainable by medical diagnosis. But even up to now,I still come out of this knowledge stunned and a bit dazed.
I cannot take the idea out of my mind. It was something that disturbed me in a very profound manner. He was no close friend but I knew him that close every day that his death was really something I can't fully comprehend. I guess it was the reality of death after all. His comic collections were one's I borrowed and he shared lots about the DC and Marvel universe with me, updates on the Green Lantern Corps, Thanos, Infinite Earth Crises and so forth. These were some of the things I learned from him. His "pareho lang" philosophy of course will not only be a crack of joke among us his colleagues but his everyday punchlines with a bit of naughty innuendos on "you know who" and "you know what" will of course be cherished.
It was the reality of someone I know dying- I guess it is real after all. Most of the time we hear and see funerals for people and yet we don't bother about them that much. No commitment of concern or sympathy is asked of us. Yet when it is someone we know, then the story changes. There are some people I know who died already but Mark's passing is something unique and something numinous if I may use the word rightly. It struck me in such a way that I feared too. It may happen to me anytime, and of course given my mortality may really happen to me. The Grim Reaper is just around the corner.
I shall not forget his often tinkering with my computer in the classroom; his "pasaring" about so many things the powers that be are so driven so much to please, and his adventures with "them".
May his memory be cherished by those who knew him in life and in his death.
Peace brother!
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Faith that Doesnt Count
Its way hard to divorce faith from life. Even if people say they do not believe at all, they still possess a set of pre-conceived values and notions of right and wrong. Most of the time we tend to act from our learned and internalized value systems. A kid who cheats on a test because everybody is "doing" it is acting on a principle he has acquired through bad example. The same applies to a bureacrat who preaches juctice but fails to see the economic struggles of his subordinates and invokes an idealized notion of justice, romanticizing the notion but failing to see it take shape by concrete action.
We invoke God and His name at times to flaunt our sense of spirituality and the intensity of religious favor. The motive may come from a pure desire to love Him and overcome the fear that we are fearful followers of Him; on the other hand others do not even mention His name for fear of being branded outmoded, obscurantist and bigoted.
But the rub lies between the two extreme, or we either vacillate between the two terminals of these spiritual poles. Deep in our hearts, there is a longing to follow what is good, do the right thing and yet we struggle hard because we are in most times pulled by the flesh to put ourselves above all others-its interests, its dreams and its longings. On the other hand we also wish to be at home with the world and its applause; of course we would want the approval of the audience. Perhaps the conductor is a fool for turning his back at the audience. Or is he really?
I live on a daily premise that I will do the best I can to make the day an offering to my Maker, to please my Galilean Master and to serve Him with the talents I was entrusted with. As the day progresses I vacillate, shout uncharitably and exude a loser's face. I rarely find days in whihc I felt I was able to accomplish something. I guess my employer is right, I should just encourage myself and wait it not from others.
My faith means a lot to me and I act as much as possible in light of my conscience which in turn is informed by my faith. My roots are in evangelical Christianity; I grew up in a Pentecostal church background with strong emphasis with the gifts and manifestations of the Holy Spirit.
I must admit this emotional-experiential aspect of my faith has helped neutralize my rigorous and intellectual propensities. It actually made my faith come alive. God is at work not just in the text of Scripture or theology books but in the living and vibrant feeling in my heart. I am unashamed in my declaration that this feeling informs well my mind and helps steer my vision of my role as an evangelical Christian.
I will of course admit that I am no perfect Christian as other will definitely do the same. The sad part is I haven't been in any evangelical church service for three years already. Despite the defection of many evangelicals to Catholicism, I still find it a meaningful and strong expression of orthodox Christianity. In fact I work in a setting where te one's who take charge of spiritual exercises and direction are Opus Dei people. I find their commitment and fervor quite interesting and reminds me of my own commitment years before. I should also note I still do not find contemporary Catholicism as very much compelling to sustain my faith. The reader of course should note that I was once a Catholic and still admires Catholicism's many riches. I just cannot reconcile myself to many points of doctrine which I think will spell out a different worldview and practice if ever I choose to convert. Yes I have heard and read of Scott Hahn, "Surprised by Truth" and Cardinal Newman.
Where I am right now may not be ideal (a state of lukewarmness) but I find it unthinkable to go back to being Catholic. I have many friends who are Catholics and I find their commitment to their community astounding.
Everyday I am reminded of God through my students, fellow teachers, and the world as I see it now. I am deeply engaged in an attempt to see the world and find my niche in it as God's agent of change and instrument of glory. More and more everyday I am humbled to learn lessons about life through the world I live in and that is why I will not set myself away from it the way I was erroneously taught in my fundamebtalist faith.
We invoke God and His name at times to flaunt our sense of spirituality and the intensity of religious favor. The motive may come from a pure desire to love Him and overcome the fear that we are fearful followers of Him; on the other hand others do not even mention His name for fear of being branded outmoded, obscurantist and bigoted.
But the rub lies between the two extreme, or we either vacillate between the two terminals of these spiritual poles. Deep in our hearts, there is a longing to follow what is good, do the right thing and yet we struggle hard because we are in most times pulled by the flesh to put ourselves above all others-its interests, its dreams and its longings. On the other hand we also wish to be at home with the world and its applause; of course we would want the approval of the audience. Perhaps the conductor is a fool for turning his back at the audience. Or is he really?
I live on a daily premise that I will do the best I can to make the day an offering to my Maker, to please my Galilean Master and to serve Him with the talents I was entrusted with. As the day progresses I vacillate, shout uncharitably and exude a loser's face. I rarely find days in whihc I felt I was able to accomplish something. I guess my employer is right, I should just encourage myself and wait it not from others.
My faith means a lot to me and I act as much as possible in light of my conscience which in turn is informed by my faith. My roots are in evangelical Christianity; I grew up in a Pentecostal church background with strong emphasis with the gifts and manifestations of the Holy Spirit.
I must admit this emotional-experiential aspect of my faith has helped neutralize my rigorous and intellectual propensities. It actually made my faith come alive. God is at work not just in the text of Scripture or theology books but in the living and vibrant feeling in my heart. I am unashamed in my declaration that this feeling informs well my mind and helps steer my vision of my role as an evangelical Christian.
I will of course admit that I am no perfect Christian as other will definitely do the same. The sad part is I haven't been in any evangelical church service for three years already. Despite the defection of many evangelicals to Catholicism, I still find it a meaningful and strong expression of orthodox Christianity. In fact I work in a setting where te one's who take charge of spiritual exercises and direction are Opus Dei people. I find their commitment and fervor quite interesting and reminds me of my own commitment years before. I should also note I still do not find contemporary Catholicism as very much compelling to sustain my faith. The reader of course should note that I was once a Catholic and still admires Catholicism's many riches. I just cannot reconcile myself to many points of doctrine which I think will spell out a different worldview and practice if ever I choose to convert. Yes I have heard and read of Scott Hahn, "Surprised by Truth" and Cardinal Newman.
Where I am right now may not be ideal (a state of lukewarmness) but I find it unthinkable to go back to being Catholic. I have many friends who are Catholics and I find their commitment to their community astounding.
Everyday I am reminded of God through my students, fellow teachers, and the world as I see it now. I am deeply engaged in an attempt to see the world and find my niche in it as God's agent of change and instrument of glory. More and more everyday I am humbled to learn lessons about life through the world I live in and that is why I will not set myself away from it the way I was erroneously taught in my fundamebtalist faith.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)