Alas amidst all my attempts to postpone posting something new and worthwhile, I find myself posting again. What is so similar is there lurks behind my motive to sanitize this post again, which brings me to the fact that as someone who needs to post, I had to create a knack for finding redemptive value in every idea i spot and decide to decorate.
Posting blogs takes time and commitment. I have not made any attempt to hide my convictions about many things, in most cases i speak of them openly. At times i feel superficial at trying to be good, but on the other hand I find the need to use this art to help build rather than constantly lament the hypocrisy of my world and the cosmos. I find it hard to be a wounded healer in this instance. Thus in posting blogs I always try to see if I am writing honestly or am i just serving some propaganda; though in reality every attempt to say something is a propaganda. I might as well go for the light and despite the rottenness I may feel from day to day, I have a drive to right this little world i live with. I cannot forever blame institutions, curse my genes or cry like a pampered rich kid ( because I am not one).
I am a victim, i am marginalized, i am oppressed. What do I care if i am one of those or if i have scars of an unhappy childhood. I am a Christian and I wish to follow Christ in the way He tried to bring hope for others. I am not Him of course, but I will do what I can not to leave my world unchanged. I do not need to sound, talk nor breathe religious; i don't need to don garbs of piety just to be noticed and admired. I would have received my prize then or much less have forfeited its very purpose. I am imperfect that is for sure, but I will not sink down to corruption. I will stand for what is right even if others shun me, I will help without asking in return (unless of course there is a pre arranged contract :P) and be the best in what I could do. I will let my ego be crushed on purpose, I will not be short sighted. I will be relentlessly proud of nothing but my own hollowness and need of grace.
So where do i find my muse? Invoke her or perhaps just shove her down the drain and start from what I have been taught? To live for truth, honor and purpose with contribution. If the world around me seeks to glory in its decay and point a finger at it with anger and a sense of betrayal, I cannot forever take the same path. I need to do something. Boy, am i suffering from block again. Let's see..so this is all for now...until the Muse re appears again.
