It was a horrible day yesterday. I woke up with a pervasive feeling of weakness all over my body. My joints were sore, my chest heaving with rhythmic cough, one which I know betray a windpipe ready for expulsion of phlegm. When the doctor examined my throat, she said it was already reddish and suggested antibiotic medications to arrest my worsening condition.
Earlier that day, I texted my bosses' and told them I can't make it for the day due to my illness. The day was long and I had this weird feeling of "thickness". It's a weird bodily sensation as it is characterized by a sense of "increasing" in bodily space. I don't know if I am describing it correctly but I think it is a sensation of being larger than how you think you are of such a specific size. I am not sure if I am developing allergic reactions to the medicine, that's why I have such weird feelings. I can attribute to the fact that I keep on snorting because of my runny nose and that my ears were a bit "full" of something. I am thinking the latter is brought about by my flu and my temperature. I don't know.
But the sensation was really odd. It made me aware of the fact (again) that I am "here", that I am alive and that I am this "body" and not "that" one. It made me conscious of the fact that I am a living, feeling, thinking, embodied "this-ness". In other words, it made me feel/think that I am a concrete person. Those who read this might think, that is such a strange deduction or thoughts allowed to take too much flight. Maybe, they might think it's the medications' side effect, but for me it's just another confirmation of my being human. Philosophers of consciousness will find my observations as nothing uncanny nor queer. I do find them, quite "entertaining" because I find in them a confirmation of something I was made attentive to (not that I wasn't paying attention to them since I was born in this planet".
I guess, all I can say is by going through this sickness, I am able to use it for something quite interesting. Yes, I do hope I get well soon. As I write this line, I am still sniffing and I still feel the "thickness" of my being, as a playful jazz tune hit the airwaves of this coffee shop I find myself in.
